officialunitedstates:

you:  tries to roast me with a lame yo mama joke

me:  looks you up on ancestry.com, finds out that your great grandmother was banished from her lithuianian village because no one liked her, writes a six page allegorical story that roasts your great grandmother, then reads it to your significant other to get them to despise you

(via merwhore)

(Source: justfuckthatshit, via pagingme)

taylornhicks:

My favorite part of this photo is that there is absolutely no reason for Jason Segel to be in it and yet there he is laying on Seth Rogen

(via kanyewesticle)

netlfix:

no matter what you’re good at there will be a 7 year old chinese kid who’s better

(Source: netlfix, via stability)

"When people say ‘This is my baby,’ they don’t always mean a baby. Sometimes they mean a dog."

A Somali student, on what has surprised her most about the United States. (via africandogontheprairie)

(via jesuschristvevo)